Black Stardust
by rain9939
Summary: Things are changing. And Riley Mathews is not sure she likes it. Her mom thinks she's crazy. Her favourite person in the whole world just died, and she's not sure she can trust Lucas anymore. After all, how can you trust the devil? But then again, he doesn't look like one either. RileyxLucas. AU
1. Chapter 1

**hey guys :) new story ! Okay so basically in the first chapter, Riley visits a psychiatrist because of her 'condition', which is related to the death of one of the characters ;) Lucas and Riley are together, and more about them will be revealed in the future chapters! The book is about how Riley adapts to a new environment, and whether her and Lucas are strong enough to make it.**

 **I'm not sure whether i'll continue. It depends on your reviews :/ please, your feedback would be appreciated. Also, I haven't learnt to copy something and then change it to italics **yet** so bear with me here, I'm extremely sorry!**

Chapter 1

"Good afternoon, Miss Mathews."

"Hi." I mutter.

He throws me a frown. I sigh and try again. "Hello, Dr. Friar." He leans back a little and opens my file before scanning it.

I take this time to look around. He's not a very clean guy - the rubbish bin is overflowing with crumpled up pieces of paper - but who am I to judge? I simply try and relax my shoulders as I sit back on the new leather couch, thinking of ways to kill my mother.

"How are you feeling today?"

The same I was feeling three days ago when I was last here.

"I'm good." I smile sarcastically. We carry on with out usual routine.

How did your day go?

\- Good, Dr. Friar.

Did you try anything new?

\- No, Dr. Friar.

How's your dad?

\- He's great, Dr. Friar, thanks for asking.

Oh, puke.

"And how are things with Lucas?" He asks next. "Is he behaving himself?"

I cross my arms and then un-cross them. "He's your son. You should know."

Dr. Friar narrows his eyes. "You know, sarcasm is basically you avoiding the truth. A trait you have." I resist rolling my eyes. "That creates a barrier between you and your feelings."

Bottom line, he tells me, I'm not ready to face myself. Or rather, my feelings.

Dr. Friar purses his lips and puts down his pen. He knows me too well.

But I guess that's what you get when you spend every week 'talking to a specialist about your problems because your mom thinks you're cuckoo.'

No big deal.

I groan and look at the clock. Two hours. That's 120 minutes divided by four, so half an hour four times. Which means I have to go through ten minutes twelve times.

Kill me now.

"Did you go to the game on Friday?"

"Maya made me." I reply. My eyes are fixed on the clock, and if he notices, he doesn't say the game. I distinctly remember Lucas scoring two winning shots. And I knew nothing about sports in the first place.

"Why did she make you?"

"Because," I huff. "She believes I need social interaction in my life."

"She's not wrong."

I turn my eyes towards him. He smiles at me. In many ways, he's like Lucas. Same blonde locks, same built. In others, he's different. He doesn't have the same gray eyes Lucas does.

"Yeah well...just a week of hell left."

Dr. Friar nods. "What do you plan to do, after graduation, I mean."

Liar. He knows exactly what I plan to do.

I tell him that, and he furrows his brows.

"You're so blunt,you know?"

"I didn't realize." Sarcasm. Again.

Dr. Friar puts down his glasses. "Listen, Riley, if you don't want to be here today, then I guess I could let you off early."

"Huh?"

"You heard me." He says.

Then I realize what day it is.

Tuesday.

I narrow my eyes. "You just want to go out with Amelia early, don't you?"

He chews on his lip. "It's a win-win situation, right?"

Riiggghhtt.

"Okay." I smile at him and pick up my bag, getting ready to leave almost immediately.

"Riley." He snaps, and I turn back around ever so slowly. "I didn't mean right now."

"When the wifey calls, the wifey calls, right?" I chuckle nervously.

"The wifey can wait another twenty minutes." He glances at the clock. "Her shift ends at half past five anyways."

I groan and plop back down. Curse you, doctors timings.

"Now where were we?"

"You were telling me about your amazing wife." I reply.

"Sure, sure." He rolls his eyes. "On a more serious note," his voice softens. "How've you been holding up?"

"I'm good, I told you."

"Those doe-y brown eyes don't fool me, Miss Mathews."

I exhale, stopping and thinking for a moment about how I actually felt.

It was stupid, I know, but Dr. Friar said I needed to ask myself that every so often. He said I tended to keep my feelings suppressed so much that I didn't even know what I was feeling myself.

And that, lead to my condition.

God, I hated that word.

I wasn't always this way, you know, loony with a few screws loose. It's just... after her death I couldn't cope with anything.

It killed me from the inside, it really did.

"Has Lucas been telling you stuff again?"

"He's my son, he's supposed to." He replies. "But not this time."

For a moment, I thought I was going to have to murder that traitor.

A traitor with beautiful gray eyes and soft blonde hair.

Really, Riley, really?

Your boyfriend is so not in the picture right now.

"Can we change the subject?" I ask hastily.

"No." I hate that fact that he's so stubborn.

Just like Lucas.

Ugh. See my problem, here?

"I don't want to talk about this." I say, shaking my head.

"You know, Autumn is finally here." He continues. Why does he have to play bad cop right now?

"I know." Now I'm pissed.

God, why do I always end up crying when I'm angry?

Soon enough, tears start leaking out of my eyes. I can't help it.

I'm so stupid.

I feel them, hot against my cheeks.

.

.

"Autumn's my favourite season." I hear her willowy laughter ring through my ears. Feel the crunch of the dead leaves beneath our feet.

"Why?" I smile up at her. She's only a tiny bit taller than me, her back a little bent.

"New beginnings." She returns my smile. "I'm Isabella Laurénce."

She offers a frail hand. I hold it in mine, just lightly enough so that it doesn't break.

"Riley Mathews."

.

.

"Are you okay?" Dr. Friar asks me.

"Terrific." I spit out. My vision is blurry and my throat hurts, but I've grown accustomed to it by now.

There's a knock on the door and before Dr. Friar can even say 'come in' the door opens to reveal Amelia, still in her doctors coat.

Her eyes widen when she sees me,and she rushes over towards the couch.

"Baby..." she whispers, wrapping her arms around me.

"I'm fine."I sigh, rubbing my eyes with the back of my hand.

With a frown, Amelia turns to her husband.

"What is wrong with you?!" She snaps.

Dr. Friar holds up his hands in surrender. "I wonder where you got your degree from." She mutters.

She passes me a few tissues. "Are you alright, dear?"

I manage a weak smile. "I'm fine." I say. "I'd like to go home now."

Dr. Friar blinks. "Yeah, of course." He agrees.

"Shall I drop you?" Amelia asks me.

"No, thanks for the offer though." I pill out my phone as I get up. "Faroe promised me a ride."

I blink the redness away from my eyes - okay,that sentence wasn't even accurate, but whatever, Riley logic- and walk out of the room.

I text Farkle, and he replies back saying he'll be there in two.

I walk to the vending machines and pop in a dollar bill. A nurse walks by and smiles at me.

I don't smile back.

By the time I've finished both my Snickers bars and a packet of chips, Farkle's car arrives in the parking lot.

"It's time you learnt to drive your own ass around." He says to me as I climb in. "You're seventeen, Riles."

"In Dubai, you can't get your license until you're eighteen." I say to him.

"Well good thing we don't live in Dubai then."

He glances at the clothes I'm wearing, and frowns. "It's like 27 degrees." Celsius.

I shrug and look at my attire. Tights under my slightly ripped jeans. A warm hoodie on top of my favourite long - sleeved shirt.

I guess. But I felt warm and cozy, even though the weather wasn't even cold today.

"So." Farkle says. "Lucas's place?"

"Obviously."

He nods, and reverses the car,backing out and turning onto the main street.

It takes us fifteen minutes.

Outside Lucas's house, I ask Farkle if he's coming in.

"Nah." He shrugs. "You guys are probably gonna make out and stuff and it's gonna be so disgusting to watch."

I stick my tongue out at him. "That's what you do with Smackle all the time."

"Yeah but-" I don't let him finish as I climb out and shut the door. His theories and explanations go on forever.

Two minutes after I ring the doorbell, the door opens and Lucas is standing there, a wide grin on his face ashe realizes it's me.

"Thought you were supposed to be here by seven." He says. He wraps both his arms around me and pecks me on the cheek.

"Should I go then?" I ask, lacing my tone with humor.

"Nope." He leads me inside. "I was just making popcorn." He continues. Wearing a V-neck and sweatpants, he looked like the definition of the word hot.

He leads me to the kitchen and pours us a bowl. "What happened?" He asks.

I bite my lip and shrug.

"I know you." He murmurs, suddenly walking up to me and grabbing my hand.

"What happened? Did dad do something?"

I take a deep breath and manage a small smile. "Nope." I say. "The usual."

His expression changes, but he doesn't say anything.

"A movie?" I ask, pointing in the direction of his flat screen.

He nods. "Which one?"

And just like that, we're fine again.

Atleast for now.


	2. Chapter 2

"Hey..." He whispers.

"Mm?" Honestly, I'm too tired to reply. The movie's almost over and though it's only eight, my eyelids have begun to close.

Finally.

Lucas sighs. "You didn't have any sleep last night, did you?"

In my drowsy state, I shake my head. "How'd you know?" I murmur.

"Cuz of those dark circles under your eyes." He replies, tracing my cheek with his finger. With his other arm, he succeeds in pulling me closer.

"Must be very attractive." I scoff.

"You know you are." He smiles lazily.

I shift, making sure the blanket covers all parts of my body.

"Could you turn off the A.C?" I ask him.

"I never switched it on." He frowns. "Riley, you're wearing two layers and clothes, not to mention this." He points to the blanket. "Are you sure you don't feel sick?"

"Nope." I tell him.

He switches off the T.V and places the remote besides the coffee table. "You want to go home? " he asks me.

"When do I ever want to go home?" I scoff.

"Riles." He exhales deeply. "You can't keep running away from your problems."

There it is.

"I can try." I answer. No, what I can 'try' to do is not get angry. Lucas and I have this argument once a week. At least.

And I hate fighting with him, I really do. But why can't he understand?

"No." He says firmly, pushing away from me a little. I blink, surprised. "Stop it." He continues. "Stop acting like this doesn't bother you, because I know you, and you're not--"

"You know what?!" I raise my voice higher than his and suddenly stand up. "If you didn't want me here, you could have just told me in the first place!"

There. I wasn't going to give him a chance to yell at me at all. Because lately, that's all that everybody's been doing.

Yelling at me. Like it's my fault.

Lucas tries to grab my arm but I yank it away. "Riley, I--"

"Save it." I say.

And before any of us can utter another word, I'm out of the door.

Outside, the moon is hanging above like a giant light bulb.

There's no other source of light except for the flickering streetlamps which cast a halo of dull light around each of them.

The wind blows, scattering a mixture of garbage and dead leaves across the street.

I'm not going to cry. I'm not.

And then I remember what our last fight led to.

I sigh and shake my head, trying to get rid of these thoughts.

Suck it up, Riles.

I flip open my phone and call the one person I really need right now.

Adam.

He answers on the third ring. "Hello?"

"It's Riley." I answer.

Something in my tone makes me pause. If I had known, I would have tried and acted happy. For him.

"Usual place?" He asks me.

"If you're not busy."

"I'll be there in ten." He replies. I end the call.

Adam and I haven't talked in the last month. At least, not as much as we used to.

I walk to the park. It's near from her, about seven and a half minutes. Nine, if you're walking slow and there's traffic.

The park isn't completely empty, and I'm sort of relieved. I take a seat on the bench and wait for Adam to show up.

He does. He saunters slowly, his cane more of extra weight than of any help. He tips his hat when he sees me and I manage a small smile.

"Rough night?" He asks.

"You have no idea."

We're quite for a minute. He doesn't ask me what happened, and I'm grateful for that.

For an old man, he looks great. God knows how many hearts he must have broken when he was young.

Including Isabella's.

"You miss her?" I ask. It's such a stupid question, or not maybe a question at all, because I already know the answer.

"More and more every day." He says. "I'm glad I got to spend those last few months with her. Knowing she died content is what pushes me through life everyday."

I bite my lip. I miss her just as much as I did a month ago.

"She was more than a mother to me." I say, trying really hard not to choke.

He's the one person I can talk to about this because he's the one person that understands.

Adam Decker nods. "You meant more to her. You were her Rosie."

They were together now. Isabella and Rosie.

But I couldn't let Isabella go, I couldn't. I didn't care if I was being selfish.

"Do you believe in heaven?" I ask him.

"I need to believe." He smiles. My phone vibrates in my pocket.

Once. Twice.

I ignore it.

"Did I ever tell you how we met?" Adam asks.

"Only a million times."

He purses his lips and smiles. "Fate works in mysterious ways. I almost didn't go there, you know? To the ball. I thought it was stupid." He plays with his cane, twisting it around gently. "Then I saw Isabella there, the epitome of beauty."

I grin. I know where this is going. "...And you fell in love with her eventually."

He looks at me and scowls. "I hated her at first. As pretty as she was, her mouth ran like fire."

I can't help chuckle a little. Whatever I'm going to say next, though, gets lost in my thoughts as I hear my name from a very familiar voice.

Lucas.

"Riley." He pants, running up to the bench. "I'm really sorry."

Adam looks between Lucas and me and smiles a little. "The boyfriend?"

"Hey, Mr. Decker." Lucas greets him. "How are you?"

"I'm good. Just about to leave actually." He catches my eye and winks. He gets up slowly and begins to walk away before I even have a chance of saying goodbye.

"Riles..." Lucas says, taking a seat on the bench. He takes my hand and I look up at him. For an eighteen year old, Lucas sure was handsome.

"I'm sorry too." I murmur. "I overreacted."

Lucas looks at our entwined hands and bites his lip. "I never meant what I said. Well, I mean... you know..."

"I get it." I reply. "It's fine."

"Forgiven?" He asks.

Under the light of the moon, with the wind whispering in the trees around me, how could I not?

"And forgotten."

"Good." He grins. "You know I have a surprise for you..."

"Which is...?"

"Tomorrow." He gets up and lends me a hand. I take it gratefully.

"Why not now?" I frown.

"You're too tired." He objects. "Come on, I'll drop you off to Maya's, okay?"

He didn't say 'home', and for that I'm grateful.

"Okay." I answer.

We start walking. "Maybe okay will be our alwa--"

I throw him a look. "You did not just quote that."

He nods seriously, but I catch the playful glint in his eye.

"You made me sit through the entire movie. Thrice. What do you expect?"

Ha. True.

We get to his car and I climb in the passenger's seat, immediately turning on the heater. "Why do we have such stupid fights?" I ask him once he starts the car.

"Cuz we're stupid people." He shrugs.

"Can't deny that." I murmur. He stars the engine and drives towards the main road.

"I love you anyways." He pipes up. He takes my hand and kisses it.

God, I love you too, Lucas Friar.

You're my anchor, whether you realize it or not


	3. Chapter 3

Hey :) I decided to divide this story into two parts. The 'after' shows what is happening right now (present tense) and the 'before' shows why these events are happening (past tense) Also, just to clear up a few things, Riley and Lucas meet when Riley is sixteen in this book. Oh, Lucas is totally OOC since this is an AU fic. What can I say? He's trouble.

Therefore to summarise:

\--Before -- takes place a year and half earlier. Written in past tense. Riley and Lucas have just met.

\--After -- the present

Chapter 3

\- Before -

"Does she have any children?" Maya asked me.

"Nope." I said. Last period had just ended and I was obsessively trying to push the books into my bag.

"So she's all alone?" Maya asked. I nodded. "That's sad. From what I've heard, she sounds like a lovely lady."

I give her a weird look. Yes, it is sad, but Maya's not usually one to care.

"What's with the Sandra-Dee talk?" I asked her.

"My mom thinks I should learn to 'behave properly', or whatever." She shrugs. "So why doesn't she have children?"

I finally get the bag to shut. With a contended sigh, we begin climbing down the stairs to the ground floor of the school.

"Maya." I scowled. "Can we not talk about children right now?"

"Oh that's right!" She grinned like a Cheshire cat. "How are Lexi and Avon doing?"

"They're doing just fine." I reply. "It's my mother that's the problem."

Maya pouted. A guy rushed past me and accidently knocked me over.

He said a quick sorry. Dang, he could have at least helped me up.

Maya offered a hand which I gratefully took. "Are you catching a ride home with Farkle?" She asked me as we walked towards the parking lot.

"Yup."

Maya nodded. "I'll see you tomorrow then." She quickly hugged me goodbye, and left to go to her 'baby' that Shawn was nice enough to buy for her.

Once she had left, I pulled out my phone and checked the time. Debate club should have ended by now. Where was Farkle?

I heard footsteps behind me and thinking it was probably him, I shipped my head around to greet him, only... it wasn't Farkle.

A guy leaned by one of the pillars, a cigarette in one hand and his mobile in the other. He was all lean muscle with a rough edge towards him, and a symmetrical face that held a perfectly shapes jaw and gray eyes.

So naturally, I blurted out the first thing that came to my mind. "Smoking is not allowed in school." I frowned. "Plus, it's bad for health."

The cute guy raised an eyebrow. "I didn't realise." He said sarcastically.

"Why would you do that?" I wrinkled my nose when he lit the cigarette.

"I like the scent." He shrugged.

"That scent can kill you." I told him.

"So can a big brain." He retorts.

And then, I heard my voice being called from one of the entrances.

"Riley." The guy repeats, rolling my name of his tongue, testing it out. "I take it that's your ride." He points in the direction the voice is coming from.

"Don't make assumptions."

He rolled his eyes. "Well, I'm correct aren't I?"

"You..."

But being impatient as most guys were, he began to walk away. "Nice meeting you Riley." He calls over his shoulder, and I think I hear a soft chuckle.


	4. Chapter 4

So the last chapter was quite short *apologies* see, I don't try to include detail because I believe it's the way Riley sees the world. She doesn't care about the smaller things. So there's going to be a lot more detail in the -before- chapters, but so much in the others.

Chapter 4

\- After -

I groan sleepily, yanking the covers on top of my body. I'm just about to go back to sleep when I hear a voice. A terrible, terrible voice that should burn in hell for waking me up.

Just kidding.

Not.

"SO BABY PULL ME CLOSER IN THE BACKSEAT OF YOUR ROVER THAT I KNOW--"

Muttering something about burning in hell indeed, I throw a pillow at her.

"Peaches." She says in a dramatic New Jersey accent. "Good mornin'"

"Why so peppy in the morning?"

"Peppy?" She frowns, climbing on the bed. "Never call me that again." She wrinkles her nose.

Maya's already showered and changed into her usual outfit, paired with a black leather jacket.

I stifle a yawn and clamber up. My hair must resemble a cockatoo's nest but around Maya, I couldn't care less.

"No nightmares tonight." She grinned.

Then I realize she's right. I didn't have any nightmares, and if I did, I'm gratefull I can't remember them.

"You stayed up?" I ask her. She shakes her head no. "Then how do you..."

"You didn't strangle me to near-death last night." She explains. "So I assumed."

"Ah."

I'm putting on my slippers when Maya says, "Lexi called." I stop and blink.

"Lexi's too young to use the phone."

"Tell her that." Maya chuckles.

Dad must have called me, and given Lexi the phone instead. Or she could have used the landline...she didn't know Maya's number though. She was only five.

Huh, kids and technology these days.

I pick out a shirt and a pair of old jeans from Maya's wardrobe - well, it's half mine since I store all my stuff in there - and make my way to the bathroom.

I take a quick shower and change, brushing my wet hair.

I honestly didn't care if wet hair was weaker. I hated tangles.

I go to the kitchen after I'm done, shoving my phone in my pocket.

"What's for breakfast?" I ask Katie after greeting her. She's sitting at the table with Maya, wearing her apron.

"It's almost lunch time, kiddo." She says. "But here." She passes a plate of toast to me.

I look at the time. Half past twelve. That means I slept in.

I sit down next to Maya and munch on a piece of toast which is already smeared with butter and jam. My phone vibrates.

From: Lucas

-Good morning sunshine.-

-What's so good about it?- I text back.

\- The fact that I'm coming to pick you up in ten minutes ;) -

\- Why? -

Once I'm done eating, I brush the crumbs from my jeans. I hardly eat nowadays, not that I'm dieting or anything, but because I don't feel hungry anyways. My phone vibrates again.

\- That's the surprise. -

Of course.

"Juice?" Katie asks me.

"No thanks." I reply. "Where's Shawn?"

"He's photographing some art exhibit for a magazine today. He went there early to prepare."

"Are you going?" I ask, shifting glances between her and Maya.

"Art's not my thing." Katie states.

I look at Maya. She nods, which means she is. For Shawn. And for the art, but mostly for Shawn.

Shawn's changing her, making her somebody she never thought she could be. That's not necessarily a bad thing, in fact, not at all.

She smiles lazily at me. "You could join us you know."

I wrinkle my nose. "Three's a crowd." I say and get up. "Besides, Lucas is taking me out today."

"Okay." She nods. "And if you run into Farkle, tell him he still owes me his Biology homework."

Ah, Maya. On the contrary, I wondered if this would ever change.

I say a quick goodbye to the both of them, and make my way out of the front door and down the steps that lead to the ground floor.

I'm almost at the parking lot behind Maya's building when I see Lucas pull up.

"That was fast." I say as I climb into his car.

"I know, right?" He grins. He pulls me closer and places a soft kiss on my lips. Even now, my stomach's doing those weird nervous flips.

"Where are we going?" I ask him.

"You're so impatient." He says playfully. He's dressed in a V-neck and dark denim jeans, with sunglasses resting on top of him head. He lowers them in front of his eyes.

"Firrst we're going to have lunch, because well, it's almost lunch time." He says. "Then you're going to help me with something."

I let out a long groan. "Do i have to?" I ask. "Plus I already ate."

He rolls his eyes like what I say doesn't matter. The streets are mostly empty today, with light traffic in some areas.

By 1 o' clock, Lucas is parking the car at the back of McDonalds.

"C'mon." He says after he switches off the engine.

Inside, as expected, the restaurant is only a quarter full. There are three kids with icecream at the back, and a middle-aged couple quarrelling. Seriously the wife looks ready to take off her slipper and hit her husband with it.

Lucas picks a table at the right, next to the large windows. I sit down while he orders, and comes back two minutes later with the food.

"I told you I already ate." I say in a low voice.

"Oh really?" He places a burger and chips in front of me anyways "And what did you have?"

"Bread." I shrug.

He sighs. "The Riley I knew would have eaten two burgers already." He says.

Yeah, well, the Riley you knew is long gone. She wasn't irritated all the time. She didn't know how to suppress her emotions.

But I do.

I bite into the burger anyways. There was once a time when I would have savoured every bite. Now, it just feels tasteless.

I wash down the last bite with a huge gulp of coke. I look up to see Lucas staring at me.

I give him my 'what's up? ' look.

He shrugs and smiles. "I'm glad we made up last night, that's all."

Mhm, last night.Crazy is what sums it up.

But crazy good, if that makes sense. Okay not crazy good,but crazy okay.

After we're done eating, Lucas gets up and takes my hand, and I follow him to the car.

"What aee we doing now?" I ask him.

"Like I said, you're going to be helping me with something."

I sigh as we reach the car. "The last time you said that I had to pretty much scrub the mud of your bedroom floor."

He chuckles. "It's gonna be much harder than that, love."

I throw him a disgusted look. "You're the man. You're supposed to be cleaner--" the words die in my mouth as I realized what I just said.

Lucas? Clean?

Ha!

Not until the planets collide, that's for sure.

"Where are we going?" I ask him, letting my curiosity get the best of me. I can't help it. He's driving in the opposite direction of his house, which is good, you know, since he's not going to make me clean his bedroom this time.

And to think I'm always so nice to that guy.

Fifteen minutes later, we're parked in front of a red-bricked, elegantly decorated, five-story building.

Who lived here?

Lucas doesn't answer as he leads me inside. The doorman smiles at Lucas, like they know each other.

My shoes squeak on the polished floor, so I have to walk extra carefully. Except for us and the doorman, the lobby is empty.

I follow Lucas to the elevator and he jams the golden button that is labelled with an arrow pointing up.

Yes, i said gold.

The lift dings open and we step inside. "Where are you taking me?" I ask again, for what seems like the millionth time.

"Patience, grasshopper." I'm about to hit him for calling me that when he reaches over and kisses my forehead.

And the annoyance disappears, almost like smoke.

The lift dings again after stopping at the 5th and last floor. Lucas and I walk outside, into the maroon carpeted hallway.

"Close your eyes." Lucas whispers to me.

"Why?" I frown.

"Just do it." He grins.

I squeeze my eyes shut. I still dont trust him but I do love him, so that must count for something.

And before I know it, I'm being whisked off the ground.

I yelp, holding onto his arm as tight as I possibly could.

"Don't open your eyes, okay?"

Funny, I was about to do exactly that.

I hear the faint chiming of keys and a door being unlocked.

Lucas carries me in and says , "Okay, Riles, open your eyes."

My eyes hesitantly flutter open. He's taken me into an apartment, half-furnished with well... his stuff.

"You bought your own apartment?!" I squeal.

He spins me around before sitting me on the ground. I can't help smiling a little.

He nods.


	5. Chapter 5

\- After -

After a thirty minute debate with my brain, I finally persuade myself to do it.

Go back home, I mean. And trust me, it's not something I want to do.

It's almost six o'clock. I've been helping Lucas unpack and settle in all day. His first choice would have been Farkle, but he was busy. And as Lucas put it, I 'had a flair for interior designing.'

All I did was clean his room. Once.

And I thought I dramatised everything.

"You persuaded your dad to get you an apartment, yet still can't persuade him to stop my sessions?"

Correct word. Treatment. How I hate it.

He chuckles and kisses my cheek. The both of us, now completely exhausted, are sprawled on the couch. "I'm trying."

That's not true, I want to say. Just like everybody else, you think I'm a little crazy.

But could I really blame him?

I wriggle free from his grasp. "I need a ride home." I tell him.

"You know," he says. "You'll be turning 18 soon."

"So?"

"So... you should be getting your license by now."

I wave my hand, swatting the idea away. "Too much work." I say.

I had grown way too lazy after the exams had ended.

He takes his car keys out of the pocket anyways. "Let's go." He says.

I ring the bell. Once, twice. Somebody groans.

"Lexi!" I hear mom yell. "Get the door!"

Two minutes later, the door opens and a little girl's eye's widen as they see me. Immediately, she pounces on me, tipping my balance.

Luckily, I don't fall.

"Riley!" she squeals. "I missed you!"

"I missed you too." I chuckle. She jumps off me and yells "AVON! LOOK WHO'S HERE!"

Avon, on his little toddler legs, half-crawls into the room. His dimples are on full-display as I pick him up.

Gosh, he's so adorable.

Mom's at the dinner table, agressively scrawling down notes for an upcoming case. She doesn't so much as notice me.

Lexi pulls it my shirt and grins. I take a seat on the sofa and she sits besides me. Avon's in my lap.

"How was pre-school?" I ask Lexi.

"It was so much fun!" She says. "Ms Haligan said my elephant was the best in the entire class!" She beams.

That was Lexi. Always hyperactive.

"That's great." I tell her. Avon's sucking his thumb, resting his head against my chest. I run a hand through his dark curls that are beginning to fall over his forehead.

I wish I knew who his mother was, why she gave such a little bundle of joy up for adoption. She was from Kenya, that we had been told - due to Avon's slightly darker skin- but no name, no adress.

For Lexi, it was different. Her parents had died in a fire when she was only two weeks old, and she had no relatives. Mom and Dad had adopted her when she was four.

Mom's phone beeps on the counter. Her alarm. Time to start making dinner.

She groans as she puts away her files and gets up. When she sees me, she looks at me with all disappointed like I'm the kind of daughter nobody would want.

You know, one of this people that work in tattoo parlours and drink and smoke a lot and own a crazy motorcycle.

Man, those things were dangerous.

"Where have you been?" She asks me.

"At Maya's." I reply. She nods her head once before returning towards the kitchen to start dinner.

Avon's fallen asleep in my lap. I gently hand him over to Lexi before getting up. "You need any help?" I ask Mom.

"No." She shakes her head. "You need to clean your room, though."

With a polite nod if my head, I make my way towards my room. It's best not to argue with Mom, especially when she's stressed out with work.

Opening the door, I find that my bed is made, my books are in place and there's no litter anywhere. The 'mess' is a pair of jeans and a jacket I left on the bed by mistake.

I walk over to my bed and sit down, resting my head against the headboard.

And again, I'm alone with my thoughts.

Maybe this is why Lucas and Maya are hesitant to leave me alone. Knowing my thoughts are like cancer, spreading slowly through my body and effecting my emotions in the worst way possible.

The last year rushes through my brain. A kaleidoscope of memories that surge through me. Every stupid joke, every worthless tear, both the good times and the bad.

All leading up to the funeral.

I close my eyes, trying to block it all out. That's what I'm good at.

Ever heard, 'Cry and you'll feel better?' Well I would rather hold back my tears then let them fall.

The day of the funeral, I cried all night.

Then I never cried again.

Dr. Friar's words ring through my head. What are you feeling right now?

I'm feeling hollow. Like there's a giant black vortex in my universe and it's sucking everything in.

I can't help it, I really can't.

There's a knock on the door before it flies open. It's Lexi.

"Dinner time." She tells me.

I shake my head. "I'm not hungry." I say.

She walks towards my bed, trying to muster up a serious expression. "Are you sure?" She asks.

I nod. She purses her rosy lips, but her eyes are wide. "Do you miss Aunt Laurénce?"

The amount of times I had told her that Isabella wasn't our aunt was ridiculous. But Lexi still insisted on calling her that.

"Yeah." My shoulders rise and fall.

Lexi smiles a little as she pulls me down to her level and kisses my cheek. "She's with the angels now." She says.

That she is.

When did my baby sister get so smart?

Once she leaves, I groan and get up. I think my head is beginning to hurt.

I walk over to my closet and bend down, searching for a little box.

Once I find it, I bring it back to my bed.

The box is made of dark wood, about half the size of a magazine holder. Painted with gold, it resembles an antique treasure-chest.

I open it, finding familiar old photographs, letters and a little red journal, its pages stained with time.

The first photograph is of Isabella and Adam. He has her arm draped around her and she's laughing at something he's just said.

I run my fingers over the delicate film. Isabella, with a perfect heart - shaped face, big brown eyes and long dark hair. Then there's Adam, devilishly handsome with a mass of pitch-black locks and dimples on display.

I read the note at the back. Its written in Adam's messy scrawl.

March, 1956.

You asked me to give back your stolen heart. I said I won't, because it belongs to me now. You get prettier day by day, and call me the luckiest man in the entire world for having you by my side.

I'll love you forever.

I wondered how two people who were so in love were forced apart. It wasn't fair. No, not fair at all.

Hesitantly, I peel open the letters. Yes, I know what happened to Isabella and Adam but I never read the letters, or the journal. All I had were there words.

I gulp. The first time I heard their story, I nearly cried. Who knows what would happen now?

The first letter is dated June, 1958. This was one of the letters Adam never received, because Isabella never had the heart to send them.

Biting my lip, I tear it open slowly.

Dear Adam,

I don't know why I said the things that I did. It was childish of me.

But that's who I am, don't you see? Childish, stupid and irresponsible.

Although you say it's why you love me, the sad truth is that this is what is keeping us apart.

It's been a month since I saw your eyes. A month and two days since I said I loved you. A month and four days since I kissed you.

I don't think I've ever missed anybody so much in my entire life.

Every night, I wish I had the chance to beg you to come back. Take away all the things I said. Take back that night, when you walked away.

I don't like sleeping alone. I hate it in fact. Every time I turn around, I expect to find your arms, but all I get are cold, blank sheets.

It's a horrible feeling.

Do you remember that night? You came home late from work and I was beyond angry, accusing you of things you didn't, and would never, do. You said I don't deserve you.

Maybe you were right.

And I've realized that loving is letting go. So Adam if you're happier without me then who am I to ask you to stay?

Two years with you was better than I could ever imagine. Perhaps I would give my life for just another moment, only to apologise.

So say you'll forgive me, Adam.

I'm sorry with all my heart.

I love you. Always.

Forever yours,

Isabella.


End file.
